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Re: Gold
great poem, well done. my only suggestion is to take out some of the commas. A phrase can gain importance or loose it, depending on how it is read/spoken. Sometimes ...
Apr 19, 2007 -
Re: Sky of Smoke Chapter 3
I'm in a bit of a I only looked at the dialogue... my only comment: you don't need to put asked, said, etc aftereach thing. Over lay it with and ...
Apr 19, 2007 -
Re: For Walt, with Reverent Indifference
beautiful. I think it's wonderful. Perfect. But, for the sake of giving a good, worth while comment, I'll tell you what my creative writing teacher told me. Simplicity is genius. ...
Apr 19, 2007 -
Re: Everything...(for lack of a better title)
good...just remember that whenever you have puncuation, there is a pause (though the length of that pause depends on what the author wants). You have a lot of talent with ...
Apr 19, 2007 -
Re: Shadow
If the periods have a longer pause than the commas and are spaced throguhout the poem properly...(I've been reading poetry for years, and sometimes I still forget that pauses only ...
Apr 19, 2007 -
Re: I Slay Dragons
play the song over and over, listening to this woman, this perfect stranger, singing words to a song that showed me my life like it was a tear-streaked mirror ; ...
Apr 19, 2007 -
Re: Familiar Stranger
one major comment before I read it.... you really need commas and periods/puncuationin here. Unless this is for slam poetry and you plan on not taking a breath.... poetry is ...
Apr 19, 2007 -
Re: Psychology is Biology is Chemistry is Mathematics
It reminded me of a not-so-nice comment about poetry I read in Stephen King's "On Writing"..... Don't get me wrong, the poem really does sound interesting. The poem just isn't ...
Apr 19, 2007 -
Re: Abused
I totally disagree with faith as well. poetry is poetry, and the fact that the poem is about a father killing his own child and it is written in such ...
Apr 19, 2007 -
Re: Birth
a good poem, but watch your words. Too many big, chunky words can slow some readers up and make them give up on your poem. my creative writing teacher told ...
Apr 18, 2007 -
Re: Immortal
While the way you write is all in style, and I do like your style, you might want to consider changing your sentence structure. when short sentences repeat too often, ...
Apr 18, 2007
